F.E.A.R.

If you know me you know I don't have my drivers license and if you really know me you know it's cause it TERRIFIES me!

I've got my learners permit! Woo hoo Every time I'm driving I say “I don't like this” and I make lots of sound effects. Overall I think I've gotten better and am over coming this fear.

However the worst thing is my lack of transportation.... My parents are great and get me where I need to go and a lot of the time where I want to go. There are those time where friends step up and give me ride which is MUCH appreciated.

The thing I hate the most is the first time telling people I don't have mt drivers license. And the the questions begin. I feel judged and analyzed...it's very possible it's all in my head, but it is how I feel.
I especially hate telling guys this. I feel like it makes me less desirable (not that I'm the desirable to begin with). To me I seem like a freak or that there is something wrong with me... 22 and I don't drive? There most be something wrong, right?

IF I could change things I may have just gotten my drives license when I was 16. However there are experiences that would not have happened if I did have it. :)

In the end what is done is done.

Dear Sister Pidge

I miss you! I miss talking on the phone for hours. I miss playing in the rain. I miss feeding the ducks. I miss being stupid together. I miss your laugh. I miss you just being there for me. I miss you telling me “Boys are stupid!” I miss watching the brides on temple square. I miss us planning the day we will live together. I miss taking walks. I miss watching movies with you. I miss dinners at Johnny's. I miss having a single friend. I miss you pushing me to be better. I miss going on adventures with you. I miss playing with your sisters.

I need you to be home soon. I need a friend to talk to. I need someone to tell me it's going to be OK. I need someone to tell me I'm an idiot. I need you to motivate me. I need someone to go shopping with. I need someone to tell all my worries to. I need you to hear all my plans. I need to laugh with you till we are crying. I need us to take more picture together. I need the next 6 months to be over. I need my life to be full of excitement again. I need to do something just because I can. I need you to come home.

Love Vanessa

Week in Review

...till Wednesday
I’m warning you it’s long…sorry it was a big day for me!
Monday: Work was crazy busy….there was more teenage girls then I cared to deal with. Later I find out David Archuleta was having a book signing at Dessert book. Hence all the teeny boppers coming though work. On a good note D. Todd Christofferson came though and I got to serve him!!! I go home and decided to Tweet at David Archuleta and see this…..”Bummed I won't be here Wednesday because @theDavidCook will be performing after the Real Salt Lake soccer game! I always miss him!”
Obviously I start freaking out!! David Cook in Utah can it be?! I then begin the search for how to go see him! Considering the idea of just going and sitting outside the stadium if it came down to it…I then find out I can get tickets from KFC! THANKS KIM!!! I spend the rest of the night was the walls in my soon to be new room. And stressing out about how I am going to work it so I can see David Cook!!!
Tuesday: I went for a walk with my mom and Michael, all the time thinking what if I can’t get tickets, is it a big game, who to go with, how much will it cost, what time, will they be nice to him, how long will the concert, what about seats?!
“We just touched down in SLC. Gonna go rehearse it up, and then get some grub and maybe find some trouble to get into?” –David Cook tweet
He’s in Utah!!
I figure out the time and hoe much tickets are…$14 for the KFC ones. Katie and Mandy agree to go. Buy the tickets (voucher thingy) talk my mom in to going to the stadium to get the real tickets, the whole time worrying I won’t get them. Then GET THEM! It’s really going to happen. Tuesday night go to a RS thing with my mom and then go look for paint for my new room!
WEDNESDAY: Get up and go to water aerobics …have issue with my contract. I think it folded in my sleep so it had permanent crease in it, oh and Michael took a sleep aid before we left. Se needless to say there was very little workout. Get home and start talking to Sherstin on Facebook then go to lunch with Sherstin and run some errands. The whole time not believing I’m going to see David Cook in a matter of hours.
Get home, take care of a few things then head to pick up Katie…Mandy has to meet us there later. So my mom takes me and Katie to the Stadium, the parking/driving is crazy. We end up having to run out of the while at a red light! Craziness! Find our seats and w-a-i-t…. about an hour. For them to start announcing stuff. David Cook does the National Anthem (there will be a whole separate blog for that). Then nothing…well it felt like nothing Katie and I kept asking each other if the game had started. I had! About 12 minutes in they stop the game. Why you ask? I’m not sure…Rain/lighting? Goal issue? Beats me. About when they start the game again Mandy joins us! So we are not at all pros on soccer. We start to wonder how longs a game? 2- 45 minute half’s in case you were wondering.
The game ends WE WON!
Now for the reason I came! Now to figure out how to get on the field…quite the adventure! We get down there and a pretty good stop! Just a little more waiting! He comes out! YAY!!!
*I Did It For You *Mr. Sensitive *Heroes (w/Champagne Supernova) *Light On *Died in Your Arms *Bar-ba-sol n *Come Back To Me
He talked about how it’s been way to long since he came to Utah! I have to agree! He also talked about our lovely delay I guess from the weather…and the sound ordinance at 10:00. He went till10:30!!! :) Oh and it’s my goal to get a guitar pick 0f his I was this close ( ) Stupid people who wouldn’t let me have it!
I still can’t believe I got to go! Every time I thought it’s not possible it happens somehow…AI Tour Declaration tour and now the Real game!
Now for videos! Picures will be on Facebook soonish

Heroes

Light On

Died In Your Arms

Bar-Ba-Sol

More Bar-Ba-Sol

SLC Bater Come Back To Me

Come Back To Me

Dear...

Aunt Flow
Oh how I have missed thee...Not! Well maybe a little bit. Can we make a deal? I'll be happy to see you every month, if you come every mouth. Deal? As much as I don't enjoy your little present I would like to have kids some day and you play an important part in that.

Sincerely,
A future mom

Computer geeks
Why must you make virus?? What do you get from it? You don't get me see me angry about it. You don't see me crying over all the stuff I have lost. Although it may be happening you can't witness the troubles you have caused,

Bitterly,
A computer user

Amy and Ty
I know you are fictional characters.but as far as I'm concerned you are real Which means you may never break up! It would break my heart, and I would like to save the tears that would be shed if you do. Also remember the thousand of fans (mostly in Canada) you would disappoint. You don't want to that now do you?

Lovingly,
A caring fan

“Glad to make you dinning dreams come true!”

Can you name what this comes from?

In general I have a good job…however there are some parts of it that drive me crazy! I hate when people come in and just get sides. Really? You came all this way for potatoes or a salad.
I also get easily annoyed when guests tell me how to do my job. I’m the one wear the chef coat not you, I’m the one enduring the heat not you, I also do this on a daily basis, so maybe I have an idea of that I’m doing…
Another thing that I just want to say, “Are you really that stupid?!” is when people don’t know what the different entrées are. I personal don’t think chicken and beef look that similar, but hey same of us just have a more advanced education.
One thing that does not happen that often any more is people asks for the gravy as the soup. I guess if they really want a bowl of beef gravy who am I to stop them! It just seems a little bland me. Haha

There are some fun things about my job though. Once a little kid asked what the chocolate was for, referring to the beef gravy. :)
I have also had the rare occasion of seeing apostles. I have served Richard G. Scott…. I didn’t realize that till after the fact, but is still counts. I also saw and talked to L. Tom Perry while leaving work. The biggest on was with M. Russell Ballard I had gone to the JSMB to get dressing and was coming back and Elder Ballard was waiting for the elevator in The Lion House so I got to ride the elevator with him, I then had to go and get the key to the fridge downstairs and get back on the elevator. Guess who was on the elevator again? That’s right Elder Ballad. I had the same stuff I had about 5 minutes ago, the last time I saw him…. a little awkward but I just told him I had to get a key. Then on my way back up I saw Neil A, Anderson he was very nice and said well to me.

Over all including the good and the bad I do love my job…most of the time.

2.5 million dollars!!

Funny story, at work one day a co-work of mine gets a call saying his won 2.5 million dollars!! …. Now of course it was a scam! :P But it got me thinking of what I would do with that much money! There are endless possibilities.

I often wish money weren’t a problem I had to deal with, and that I had endless cash and never had to worry if I would run out....Somethings I wish I could do if that were the case, are fix up my families house and just totally re-do it. I think we have a nice house but there just little things and I would love to put a swimming pool in the back yard! Then there are just all kinds of little things I want/need: A new swimsuit, camera, and clothes, music, games, movies…. on and on! I also would really like to move out, but theres the cost to have a place, utilities, and food, ect.

In the past I have not been good at saving, however I am working on it, now half my paycheck goes in to savings the other half in checking. I also have slacked on paying my tithing not something I’m proud of at all…well I straighten my act up and paid ALL my tithing go back to January. Which really was hard it was a fair amount of money and left me with very little spending money…practically broke this passed two weeks. However last week I had my review for my job…and my boss said his going to try and give me more shifts! Woo Hoo! So this week I will have worked 4 days instead of my normal 2. And I get paid on Friday so I can start doing stuff again and not have to have others pay for me….

I want to know what you would do if you won 2.5 million dollars?!

Growing Up

I’m not so fond of this age and growing up. I miss when things were simpler. It feel’s to me like so many people are moving on with their life’s without me and/or I’m not moving on.
Some friends are on missions, others are preparing for a mission. Others are getting married.

I obviously don’t have a ton of contact with friend that are on missions. Yes there is letter writing but that is not quit the same. I’ve very glad I have friends serving missions however I miss them and the time I got to spend with them it’s hard going from seeing them all the time to not seeing them and sharing experiences together. I can’t help but be reminded of things we did together in the past and think of the things we could be doing.

Heather and I at the Children’s Museum

Katie and Mandy are talking and preparing for missions. I’m happy and sad for that. Mission just brings a lot of mixed emotions. I’m not sure how I will be able to deal with life when they are gone also. It will be very hard that’s for sure!

Mandy, myself, Katie and Michael watching fireworks

Now I’ve had a good amount of friends get married, after all that’s part of life. It’s fun to watch them be in love and start a new family however most of it I watch from a distance and it really doesn’t affect me too much. It’s a little different when it’s one of your best friends! I’m very happy for Sherstin and Anthony don’t get me wrong it’s just another life change for some reason she would rather be with Anthony then me! I just don’t get it! Haha Ok yes I do, or at least I try to. However that is just another friend I’m losing, yes she does at least live in the same state as I do but that does not mean I spend much time with her. Since I use to hangout with her usually once a week at least and now I’m lucky if it’s once a month, I’m gratefully for the time I do get to hangout with her I just miss the way things were.

Sherstin and I at the American Idol concert

I’m sure everyone goes though challenges of growing up (at least I hope they do so I’m not alone.) It’s part of life and I hope to look back in a few years and maybe miss life like this.
Just a note: I thought about leaving names out for others sake but decided not to, I think it’s better just to be honest and open. I hope this does not make anyone upset or come back to bit me in the butt. It’s just how I feel.

Dear Blog…

I have started/thought of so many blogs that never get posted.

So here’s a little teaser of things maybe to come

1. It’s hard growing up
2. Crushes! :P
3. Wolves (Yellowstone)
4. Ghost/Ghost Hunters
5. The Bachelor/ The Bachelorette
6. Stupid things said at work!

Stupid Mouse!

This morning I go to use the computer and the mouse does not work!! Argh! So I try and figure it out by puling and un-plugging it and so on! I decided to try and different mouse and still can’t get it work! This pretty much means I can’t use the computer! Boo!! I ended up using my mom’s computer, which is unbelievably s-l-o-w! Lucky between that and my Ipod I was able to get what I needed for the day. Then my dad comes home and tells me with the mouse if you un-plug and plug it back in you have to restart the computer! LAME! So I wasted quite a bit of my time to day fighting with a computer!

STUPID MOUSE!!!

Season of Love

Two things

1. Valentines Day
2. The Bachelor
I personally I’m not a fan of this particular holiday. Now it could be the whole hype of you have to do something on a certain day to prove your love for a certain person. You can’t just do something because you love somebody whenever you want it has to be a certain day. It also could just be the overload of it all happening at one time. Or more specially I don’t get in of that love, another joy of being single is bad enough all the time but the when you have to have it point out with a big neon sign saying “She’s alone” then that makes it a lot worse. Now who knows get back with me in a few years a I may have a different view on this holiday. But as for now I can’t wait for Sunday to be over.

On to The Bachelor…. I’m slightly ashamed to admit it but I do watch it. It’s an addiction I’m not that in to the drama part of it however I do like watching them fall in love as hard as it is for some people to realize I can understand how the The Bachelor in this case Jake can fall in love with more then one girl. Also how the girls can fall for him in such a short amount of time if you put together the aspects of the show. This season my favorites are like many others Tenly and Ali! I’ve really enjoyed watching Jake with them. Both for different reason, I could very easily see him with either of them…. depending on what the deal is with Ali.
As for Ali I was heart-broken last Monday with how torn she was with the choice she had. I HATED that she left I personally would have stayed but that’s easy for me to say ‘cause I’m not in that situation. One thing I loved as sad as it was was Jake being there for her, and comforting her. I think especially in the show they live in a “Fantasy world” but this was a real life situation. It really makes me want to find someone who would be there and love me like that.

I think I want to be in love so bad that two things happen I hate it when others are in love or I love to watch others. It kinda depends on the situation

Hopefully everyone has seen Up cause it’s such a cute movie! Well like always I’ve been wishing life was more like the movies cause everything seems better in movies! So I wish my Grandpa was more the guy in Up not personality wise or anything like that cause I love my grandpa!! Just with heath issues there is no way my grandpa could do so of the stuff Mr. Fredrickson does he can’t even stand up let alone walk right now….

My grandpa’s hip is broken, I don’t really now how to explain it on here but lets just say it’s not good at all. There are all lot of question about what do and not very many answers which is quite frustrating I think we would all like a magical fix it pill so we would have to try and figure out what is the best choice and weighing the pros and cons of if we do this then this will happen but is we do this then this will happen.
Do we have him get surgery? Is surgery even an option? If surgery is done will he come out of it? Will he even agree to surgery? What will be one after surgery? Who will take care of him? What if the surgery is not done? He just lies in bed? What for the rest of his life how ever long that is? Do we have him go to an assisted living center? Which is very against kind of like Mr. Fredrickson! Can we have him and Grandma go to one together? Needless to say there are a lot of questions and emotions involved in this. And unlike in Up we can’t tie their house to some balloons send them of on an adventure.

As for now a lot of prayers and faith are being used and will hope for the best and know what whatever happens is meant to happen.

One of my friends I’ve knew since Middle school just got home from his mission. While at his farewell I couldn’t help but notice the changes in him from his personality to physical and more specifically spiritually. I kept thinking he’s changed so much and he’s so different (all good though.) and through that I began to think why his changes were so drastic to me, I had not seen or talked to him in two years. Which then lead to me think of me two years ago and what I was like and where I was then, and the changes he might see in me…. From two years ago to now. So two years ago I was between working a Toys R Us and the day care, now I work at The Lion House and have been there for over a year. Two years ago I was attending my home ward and was the YSA rep and unofficial primary substitute teacher, now I go to a student ward and am in charge of the program and bulletin boards. Two years ago my closest friends were; Sherstin, Katie, Mandy and Heather. (Sherstin, is getting married, Katie and Mandy are planning on going on a mission and Heather is serving a mission now), now they are still my closest friends even though things are changing. Two years ago I was single…. now oh I’m still single not much change there. Now if you look at all the those things and may other things in the past two years I’d say I’ve done some changing my self. Although to me it may not seem that way at first because it is subtler to me. I believe “life’s a series of choices, big combination of moments little ones that add up to big ones that create who you are”

I decided to make another blog!!! I like bloging on my weight blog, it’s nice to write stuff and get it out of my system. Whether people read that blog or this blog is up to them. I choose to do this “Random Rants” as somewhere it put what I’m think and is going on in my life that I either don’t want posted on Facebook or that I just want to go in to a little more detail. The End.
Look for to more of my randomness!